You were right' Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?" I was prepping the dining area for a meal at the Christian retreat center one night. Everyone was curious because he only asked to meet his doctor and his lawyer. All right, fine, the father said. He kept it all in gold bars under his bed. The power went out to my house this morning, so I couldnt use my blow dryer. This Joke Already Won! Well, while all the rest of the world went into liquidation, Noah floated his own company. Q. Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. We have two Italian elders, two bald elders, and two very handsome older elders. The motorboat operator yelled, Get in, quick., Again, the man on the roof said, No, its fine. Then the man asked: God, how much is a million dollars to you? And God replied: A million dollars is like a penny. We just finished easter. Worry, by nature, is the product of a lack of faith and trust in God. When I enter the plane and get to the sky, I will just escape through the back door and enter heaven. Trust and worry cannot go together. Anita Renfroe. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. Inasmuch as funny Christian jokes are not bad, it is important to know that theres a boundary as Christians dont engage in all forms of jokes. See how many of the 59 you can find. It's not the work which kills people, it's the worry. Q. -Whoever told you that radio started in the Garden of Eden was probably referring to the time they took a rib out of Adam and used it to make the first loudspeaker., Give me a quotation from the Bible, asked the Sunday School teacher. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so that she can concentrate better. "No," said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug. A: They have no organs. A. Samson; he really brought the house down. What does the Episcopal Church say in advance of a large gathering? Why didnt you do that before the service? the pastor exclaimed. Wouldn't! If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. Why are atoms Catholic? That's why he would be able to afford a Christler. A. Preach because you are chosen, not because you are unemployed. - Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour. The Brewsters own a tax preparation service next door to the Francophile Monastery. Be careful with people Image: pinterest.com, @sandiselz Source: UGC It is not new knowledge that people are used as God's angels. The oldest brother passed away a week later. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? 42 Clean Christian Jokes That Will Make You Laugh In A Positively Spiritual Way By January Nelson , March 30th 2018 Flag https://thoughtcatalog.com/?p=859057 Ben White 1. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. Lisa, the souvenir shop attendant, has a sister who works for the chronicle. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17., The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today. As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this mans story. Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all Though people say that there are questions about God and the bible that cannot be answered. Don't worry, said the doctor. The church was holding baptisms during the service, so they brought in a large tub. They really raised Cain. It was a nine-year-old whose plastic cup had snapped in half. Answer: Hebrews it. The word B.C. really stumped him. If Mary had Jesus and Jesus was a little lamb, does that mean that Mary had a little lamb? But we had to be choosy to find the funniest clean Christian jokes that are pure pleasure! To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Read worry relax jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) that will make you laugh out loud. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too. The waters rose, and soon the man was at heavens pearly gates. Q. The person who worries reveals his lack of trust in God and that he is trusting too much in self. I said, nope, terminate this charade right now! He said Its the truth, read it for yourself!. Whether you're seeking some Bible puns or funny stories about the things kids say in Sunday School, here are some Christian jokes you are sure to enjoy. Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed! Just watch me." I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven. Youre both wrong, the guru said. You have the rest of your life to fix it. My home is in Heaven. Now lets take the offering and see which one I will deliver. She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." Enjoy this list of puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. She said, "Can anyone tell me what you must do before you can obtain forgiveness of sin?" Can I phone a friend?, 7. An 11-foot-1 broad jump and 41 1/2-inch vertical jump also set him among a select handful of secondary performers invited to Indianapolis. No, he already fell for it once. Favorite Best Christian Jokes, Best Clean Jokes, Church Jokes and Stories, Christian Jokes for Kids, Church Jokes for Kids, and Church Jokes for Adults. Sadly, it can be very difficult to tell the difference. We hope you will find these worry fear puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. Why didnt Noahs family play cards on the ark? Either you are well or you are sick. They want to sit in the front of the bus, they want the middle of the road, but then want to sit at the back in the church. Share your opinion, views and recommendations with me in the comments section below. It's just your belly button.". Jesus the Gatekeeper. The pastor gave a sermon on family, beginning with these words: Ive been a parent for about five years now. Read on for these lovely Christian Jokes. I think it was a hoax. Do you believe that? asked the little boy his father. He reaches the ice and is about to cut a hole in it when he hears a voice from above: There are no fish here., The fisherman is shocked but gets up and moves to another spot. Empty except for dirt and two broken pine needles. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.". This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy, 7 Riddles That Will Make You Laugh and Think. They usually arrive early and stay late. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? He came out all right. Rock Island Employees Magazine, 1914, Details Inside Holy Trinity Roman Catholic Church, 10. After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. Do you think working in one of the low-stress jobs is the only way to have fun? The girl who took the call apologised, "I'm very sorry the cab isn't there yet, sir, but don't worry". How will the feet that did not carry you to church, carry you to heaven? A chipper attitude will help you compete. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? Well, she said, we dont go to all the weddings.. The father says," Won't that make him c**-eyed." Go thou and do likewise.. 8. Since they used the same type of guns and there was only one bullet entry wound on the deer they started arguing over who actually shot the deer. If you go to hell you will be so damn busy shaking hands with your friends that you wont have time to worry. ", And is feeling pretty down about it. When you want to sleep at home, you switch off the small radio. A. German Shepherds. Either you are well or you are sick. One woman judges the job to be so involving, she brews a cup of tea to help calm her nerves. Them to me: at 25, you should have your own car, your own house, an established business, etc. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub. This is really a very friendly community. The other day he told me he had written the song of songs. You may take free online bible courses or even attend one of the best Christian universities in Canada, but these funny Christian jokes I am about to share with you might not be seen there. Why didnt Noah go fishing? Christians can joke about anything because Jesus conquered it all, and assured them confidence. One Christian farmer protested, Im sorry, Pastor, but I cant give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!, John Wilkes was once asked by a Roman Catholic gentleman in a warm dispute upon religion Where was your religion before Luther? 1. The editor wanted the best her paper could send, so they sent Jo. Help me!" Because the Bible says, He brews. Do not take it to Him in prayer, saying, "Lord, guide me, Lord, give me wisdom, Lord, arrange for me," and then arise from your knees, and take the burden all back, and try to guide and arrange for yourself. I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. One day, a supervisor left a box of donuts in the breakroom with a sign: Happy National Donut Day! Kids seem to make the best Christian jokes. 8. Son: Make sure it looks like an accident. Then pray where was your face before it was washed?. A hundredload of worry will not pay an ounce of debt. Do you know Moses was the first man to download things from the clouds into a tablet? My son is named Odus. A: Abraham. 15. It is not ours yet. Read christians pastors jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) that will make you laugh out loud. "You can't do that," argued my four-year-old. Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u. "Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" When talking about "to do lists" she touches on how many times they don't even get started or finished. He went missing about 586 BC. Well, said the man. Couldn't! Never forget: Rudolf the Red knows rain dear'. From pastors to worship leaders, the pulpit to the youth group gym, church leaders have given us some of the most surprising funny stories youll ever hear. Egypt had a big story break last month. He has a very mild persona, humble from head to toe. , A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Q. When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box but says nothing. ", Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past. When LOTS wife turned back and became a pillar of salt, who turned back to confirm it? Not everyone who checked up on you actually cares. ET. Scroll down for lots more, eg "Out of the Mouth of Babes", "Hymnal Jokes", plus . Whats the bad news?, The bad news is youre pitching Sunday.. Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldnt swim. The father turned and the boy whispered, Where did they get such a big bucket for the leaking roof?, 2. I believe the holy man is legitimate, she explained. Wife says 'I'm sorry I doubted you my love. I can still remember the turning point in my faithlike it was yesterday: I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. Wait! Being a Christian doesnt stop you from telling/cracking Godly jokes once in a while. He prayed, "Lord let this be a Christian bear." 8. Do you like them, she asked. Philipp told me about a souvenir shop he visited. As part of the admissions process she has a check-up by the resident doctor. Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have! Has anybody seen MY cock? Sixteen altar boys, two priests,and a goat stood up. It empties today of its strength. A helicopter flew over and dropped a rope ladder onto the roof. Q. Worry is nothing but practical infidelity. Sometimes, I wish my account balance can rise as Jesus did. Nobody can be compared to Abraham as regards knowing people. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, Mommy, I have to piss. The mother said, Son dont say piss in church. I mean laugh at your Christian jokes too. You simply cannot do both. Someone asked him whether playing music is hard when he doesnt feel inspired. but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants. What are we going to do?" Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. He only had two worms! A. A. After the elder spoke, the bald pastor started to speak. Some girls prayer point is to marry a God-fearing man, but two weeks into the marriage, they request an iPhone instead of the King James Bible. His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon." Well, said the father. So, they swore that whoever went to heaven first would find some way to let the living brother know. A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord. "Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it. "the plane is always late on Christmas." Im just traveling through this world. He just came back from the Holy land. These jokes are written with context to Christian comedy. CATEGORY Religious Jokes. If you have toasted over twenty-five girls and they did not agree, its a clear sign that womanizing is not your calling. The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus time? Obi Wan Cannoli. Either you will get well or you will die. They are mutually exclusive. Acts 2:38!(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that yoursins may be forgiven)The burglar stopped in his tracks. However, be careful where you use it Christian jokes arent funny in every setting! I asked Mr. Brewster for tax advice. Either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell. The church is struck by lightning. The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? Dear lord, tell the angel making my white garment in heaven to make it fitted, not like the one I see in Nigerian movies. Wait for me, a voice said. He shot me a look. Now, lets see where did I leave off? If you are sick then there are only two things to worry about. Has anybody got a cock? Nahant, Massechusetts is where she lives, but she travels a lot for the newspaper. 3. Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture. 36. Philipp said a hag gained access to his travel bag. So he stabs her and steals her TV. A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. Christian Jokes Christian, jokes, and laughter are a perfect combination. To my relief, it was not a pregnant woman. I answered that he is a real pro! The minister smiled and said, Mark has only sixteen chapters. Faith is when you are unemployed but you wear a suit and carry a briefcase walking around the down and confusing your enemy. A. Whenever I see the maps at the back of the bible, I get confused. Theres been some sickness going around the office, and you all know I hate to be left out of anything., 2. The mother replies," That's terrible. And punctuation or spaces in the middle are normal. Now, they are the only women who have books in the Bible. According to Wikipedia, Christian comedy is a subgenre of comedy where the material presented is aimed toward a Christian audience.. Christian Doctor: Your recovery was a miracle! "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. 16. Salvation, Sin, Worry A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. Instead of feeding 5000 hungry people as Jesus did, many pastors are being fed by 5000 hungry people. It lasted a couple of years. "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. 4th Place won $12.00. Dont ask me to explain his name the story is too complex. Knowing that God is faithful, it really helps me to not be captivated by worry. In the paragraph below there are the names of 16 books of the Bible. He said that at my advanced age I should be thinking of the hereafter. Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible? The woman lifts up her blouse. On Palm Sunday, the Sunday School teacher asked her class, So, why did Jesus ride a donkey?, A voice piped up from the back: Because he wanted to., 6. - How are you going to get the $5 000 a month to pay them? Priest: That is very wrong. As Christians, our words should always edify, and not belittle. While the adults talked, the young daughter showed the guests son around the house. T. he priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Am I lying? I have tracked down some items, like the funny church signs, as best I can. "Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!" It can be used as a tool to spread the Gospel even. I noticed the menu said I would serve Warm Dinner Roles., Text While Driving If You Want to Meet Him Stonebridge Baptist Church, 8. They were really put out. A family with a young daughter invited their churchs new family for Sunday lunch. Faith is when your neighbor shouts that he cant wait to complete the buying of a car because he just bought a key. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Oh,yes The souvenir shop has books about the different battles of the Holy Land. Sometimes they were funny without even realizing it. After the donuts were finished, the youth pastor went to the podium and began teaching. The father opened an egg to show a piece of sponge, representing the sponge that the Romans used to offer Jesus a drink. He tried to get it out, but it was really stuck in there well. Do not complain of its never-ceasing cares, its petty environment, the vexations you have to stand, the small and sordid souls you have to live and work with. An Act of God The church is struck by lightning. Thank you., 2. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. Im a millionaire, he said, and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. The man then replies: "I'm going home. The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?" Don't worry, they'll find something to be offended about. A. Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once. Funny Jokes. ", The concerned father-to-be asked, "Doctor, what's going on?" That embarrassing moment when you are sitting beside your crush in the church, suddenly, your little brother shows up with twenty naira on his hands Brother, mummy said you should use it for offering. A. David: he rocked Goliath to sleep. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath? The doctor asks, "So have you been having any problems?" It's not the revolution that destroys machinery it's the friction. "Hmm, sounds fishy." 2. Article Images Copyright 2023 Getty Images unless otherwise indicated. In 2020, he won First Prize for Best Feature Story in a regional contest by the Colorado Press Association Network. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped but didnt know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. When her teacher asked how long it was between Jesus arrival in Jerusalem and his death, the little girl looked worried. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuablesand yelled, Stop! Ancestors! Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it. Dear Mom and Dad, Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. For more Christian jokes you might want to look at some So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. Short Christian Jokes 1 - A man is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught in some railroad tracks. Eve stole first; Adam stole second. Worried about this lack of Bible knowledge, the teacher called Tommys mother. remember that Moses started out as a basketcase, Some people show kindness, politeness, and sweet spirit until you try to sit in their pews, Many people desire to serve God, but only as advisers. kid:"then why do you add carrots?" After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term Bathroom Commode, but when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward so she rewrote the entire letter and referred to the Bathroom Commode simply as the B.C. If there is no response, refer to Matthew 20:25-28 for further instruction. What is a physics teachers favorite Bible verse? The man realized he knew the boys mother. Enjoy this list of puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Again, the man said no, that God would save him. See how well you can compete. Tell us your story and I'll give it its own page here on the site. A. Following is our collection of funny Worry jokes. I told him, Oh, I do it all the time. At 28, it becomes Boss Lady Chommy, and at 38, it becomes Chioma Jesus. Here are some of the funniest signssome in the church parking lot, some inside the building. 6. Either you will get well or you will die. Christians Jokes. It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for factsand for others it was a revelation. Does the campground have its own B.C. Q. Remember, there are 22 books of the Bible lurking somewhere in this paragraph. The best prayin I ever did was when I was hangin upside down from a telephone pole., The Pastor came to visit the other day. A. Because Noah sat on the deck. Q. Christian Humor & Funny Christian Stories #2 SMARTEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boys position. That is no small sin. Anyway, she told my brother those arent the ones she ordered. One-liner Christian jokes are as follows; Bible study lessons with questions and answers, Ames Christian University | Fees, Scholarships, Reviews, Admission. They plan to hold the supper in the middle of the B.C., so everyone can watch and talk about this great event. Have you wondered how Jonahs wife reacted when he was narrating how the fish swallowed him and after three days vomited him in Nineveh? Theyre in my humble opinion; the best Christian Jokes of all time. Forgiveness A Sunday School teacher had just concluded her lesson and wanted to make sure she had made her point. When the church cameraman is your friend, you appear more frequently on the church screen than the preacher. My church held a work day, including digging holes for a garden plot. Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary. The Dr said nothing to worry about, those are contractions . He acts like its the next big hit, but it left me only lukewarm. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing? The more you meet people, the more you understand why Noah allowed more animals into the ark than humans. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. I customized my name because people made remarks about me being related to the furniture company Sam Levitz. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Therefore, he took out a business card that had printed Revelation 3:20 on the back of it for just such an occasion, and stuck it in the door. Have you ever imagined what the world will look like if people fear God the same way they fear soldiers? Finally the drunk replies No use knocking mate theres no paper in this one either. Many of the worry reassuringly puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Santa will never know." The truth is, from answers we get, we are forced to admit it usually takes a minister or scholar to see some of them at the worst. I was told in Sunday school that radio started in the Garden of Eden. I told my friend Dan, I eliminated Cairo from my travel itinerary. A woman went to the beach with her children. If you are well there is nothing to worry about. Jobs friend Bildad, he was a Shuhite! Has anybody seen a cock that doesn t belong to them? Half the women stood up. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. The woman leaves. Finally the man asked: God, could you give me a penny? And God said, In a minute.. Two men went hunting and shot at a deer at the same time. Her name is Jo. Q. Short Christian Jokes 2 - An elderly lady was well known for her faith and for her boldness and talking about it. Do not let your worries overwhelm you. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. I said "Don't worry sweetheart. 4. While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned about how strong we grow. I cant be in my fathers house and be wearing a maternity gown. But knowing that He will do what He has said, He will cause it to happen, whatever He has promised, and then it causes me to be less involved in worrying about a situation. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,Why did you just stand there? A: By his net income. Q. Everyone stared into the empty blue egg. She turned around and punched me square in the eye. Where did you get the other shiner? the boss asks. says the accountant. There was a short pause and then, from the back of the room, a small boy spoke up. Well, I think that if you graduate from one of the best Christian universities in the UK, you should be able to attempt them. Following is our collection of funny Christians jokes. The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor. The repairman could contain himself no longer. Worry is like racing the engine of an automobile without letting in the clutch. Romans 8:39: "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 2. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? How Did Footprints in the Sand Became So Popular Among Christians? The area around the Jordan: the banks were always overflowing. Five Takeaways from Reading the Bible Cover to Cover, 4 Reasons Why We Have a Hard Time Talking about Loneliness. S.B. His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired..", Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this" She just couldnt bring herself to write the word toilet in her letter. This was the conversation between them Pastor: Blessed are those who see and dont talk. At that moment, the phone rings. Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? Two brothers who loved baseball wondered whether they could play the sport when they went to heaven. Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he wont have it. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean christian christ dad jokes. I, as tester of food, got half price on my cruise tickets for my services. The two men were surprised and asked how he knew that one them is a preacher. Some want to confirm if their witchcraft worked. You can still put a call to the cavalry because you will be needing help to get up from the ground as you read through these funny Christian jokes. My sister, drop your pride! Member: For they shall receive their share. Forgive Your EnemiesIt Messes With Their HeadsCentral Baptist Church. Why Should We Remember Malcolm Muggeridge? They asked me, why do we answer Amen instead of Awomen, and I replied, it is the same reason we sing hymns instead of hers. Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I'd have just thought it was one of the horses! He told his father, Daddy I have to whisper. The father said, OK. What exactly was he doing? 2. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? 8. comments (1) Letter From Camp. Well, my little girl, the sweeper said. 1. kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?" She had ordered a rabbi statue along with pez dispensers, but the manager, Joe, let the stock boy practice ordering that day. A SINGLE CUP OF COFFEE January 10, 2021. The thought had never entered his head before. Q. 2. It is for reasons like this Christian jokes should be read and shared often. A man walks into work with two black eyes. How about mosquitoes? The woman at the counter was named Lisa. Christian Williams hopes Kitty's Light can add Saturday's Bet365 Gold Cup to his Scottish Grand National win and continue to "pick everybody up" after his daughter's leukaemia diagnosis. The Sunday School teacher asks the children to draw Christmas pictures. What did Moses say when he came down the mountain and saw the Israelites worshipping a golden calf? Did you throw up? her mother asked. Stop squeezing your money before you put it into the offering box, God is not an officer. Then he looked at the wealthy man and said, You brought pavement?, It wasnt until then that the wealthy man remembered Revelation 21:21: The great street of the city was of gold, as pure as transparent glass.. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. Because in Job 16:12, 14, 16 we read, I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.. Hilarious Christian Jokes Have a good laugh with these hilarious clean jokes! H.A. At this church, the elder said, We follow the Noah principle of two by two. The man follows.
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