Okay, heres mine: Just lunch, and a blowjob. And before the thing started, I had my tour bus up there, Jeff and I are sitting on my tour bus and this Golden Corral commercial comes on television, which is where Jeff works now. password | 846 views, 6 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Power Trip: Lil' B and Meatsauce take on Justin Gaard and. [cheering and applause] When Jeff got big enough to take somebody with him, he took me with him, which was an amazingly gracious thing for Jeff to do for me. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. Steals my sandwich. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! Dont drink and drive. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? Two brothers trying to make it as dancers open their own club, but their artistic drive soon clashes with the business, threatening their relationship. Now the reason I know this term is, I have lesbian friends too. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Thats all they sell. Because they rarely fucking die. Profane. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - Netflix And just set it and forget it and fucking shut it down. She was trash drunk on red wine. It doesnt matter what it fucking looks like. Stream It Or Skip It: 'White House Plumbers' On HBO, A Comedic Take On The Bumbling Team Behind The Watergate Break-In, Stream It Or Skip It: Kiss, Kiss! on Netflix, a Polish Rom-Com With an Oogy Womanizer Protagonist. I could piss like a fucking fire hydrant. Director Tom Forrest Writer Ron White Star Ron White Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I know it smells like piss. Thats all a cat has to do, is just, Pow! Theres so many dead cats on my street, it looks carpeted. Thats delicious. Theyre not natural. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! Where Was 'John Mulaney: Baby J' on Netflix Filmed? Thats why. It was so fucking funny. Ooh! Thats it. Is 'Are You There God? So Im all set up. He likes them big big. Well, whatever it is, I wouldnt worry about it if I were you. Im sure youre grateful. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef [laughing] Okay. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Kathleen Madigan: Hunting Bigfoot (2023) | Transcript, Marc Maron: From Bleak to Dark (2023) | Transcript, Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle (2023) | Transcript. Im like, Theyre gonna know. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. I fucking hate em. Cats die when they touch the road. >> julia, thank you very much for that update. And you cant un-fuck the housekeeper. I was 12. I go back up to the room and shes passed out, in this negligee, and shes fucking gorgeous. I keep a salt shaker by the side of the bed. How about a sobriety contest? Reunited as adults, two childhood friends fall madly in love and won't let anything not even death tear them apart, in this supernatural love story. Another service they offer at this spa is a thing called vaginal rejuvenation. Find out where to watch on Netflix, Prime, Hulu & 40+ others Its very short. I just like to see it. And I was watching that movie The Help, and Im like, I know hes not a young negro woman, but if he just had on an apron and no shirt I consider myself a gold star heterosexual. I know theyre perfectly content to live the way they do. Privacy Policy After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. But oddly enough, I do have a suggestion for this. Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. I picked up the DVD, looked at the cover, it looked like somebodys trying to shove a pumpkin through a beach ball. Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! Besides, if youre at that point in a make-out session, youre gonna do it anyway. No other fucking animal does this. You know what a fair drunk driving test is? Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. I fucking hate em. [whooping] Um The other day, um Jeff Jeff Foxworthy and I were Jeff has a special on Sirius called The Comics Mind, and hed been talking to me about doing it. I said, Let me go talk to her, so I go up to the room. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from the other three stand-up comedians as the odd man in. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up I understand how unnecessary that was. Theyre going to fucking know. [cheering and applause] Thats pretty slick. 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? Coming Soon. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. Jeff sold more comedy albumsthan Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby combined. Ill walk back. I only have the room key. And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. And traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. I dont know. But on the way, they must confront what it means to be different. Its a nickel for a hundred of em. Thank you very much. [whispering] Did you? Do you think I fucking heard it? It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. What? After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. Bring it into the shop. No sabemos si las ancdotas son ciertas o es todo parte de la rutina, pero sea como fuere, la balanza se inclina 3 a 0 a favor, razn por la cual tens que ver este especial ;)Hasta el prximo episodio Gracias por ver! I hope you guys enjoyed it. If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up opens with soundbites from Whites previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed him. And right before I went on stage, I was in the green room of the main room, and they came over there and they said, Ron, they need you in the OR. I never thought anybody would fucking say that, you know? I gotta go. Im coming back twice a day every fucking day. First big gig we did together was the first week in December 1996 at the MGM Grand in Vegas. Lets do a couple of blocks. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Im like, What do I even do? We dont even want it. You know, they do that now. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I do. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? Were just gonna have lunch. This conversation got so goddamn out of hand. A tongue is a tongue, and a tooth is a fucking tooth. Do not try that at home. Im not gonna do it. Tiger doesnt get any credit for all that pussy he turned down, and thats the number youre looking for right there. Numan1235cansunar2234comtr. [Ron White] You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better? Im a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker. Or thats what it said in the deposition. [bleating] I cant wait till they go hog-wild and just put a sugar lick right there in the middle of the fucking room. Because this dick wont suck itself. So when Bill gets finished, he comes down and does a set with us and when we get done with our shows, Bill and Jeff wanna go drinking and gambling, and I want to go to a prayer meeting and a poetry reading that Id heard about. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Always has been. Starring:Ron White Watch all you want. You're almost there! Netflix uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and for other purposes. Thats what I do. And I dont know why, cause they used to sell duck tacos, nobody gave a shit. I dont remember. Um, Im from a very, very small dusty town in northwest Texas, and I grew up in this little bitty house that was built by my father and my grandfather the year I was born, 1956. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. You dont have to kill the baby duck to get the pussy lips off of it. And I double snotted my own fucking television. Maybe a half a sandwich and a soup. Fuck. And the way he found out he didnt wet the bed, is he lived in Round Rock, Texas, and I hadnt really seen him in years, and I was doing this radio station and I told that story, and he called the radio station, You fucking pissed on me? In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Not two eyeholes like those other sluts. For all New peeps to my channel, plz like and Subscribe and hit that Notification bell for Future Videos.Weekly. And word of that spreads throughout the criminal community. I go, I know its our first night in town but Im gonna go drinking with the boys, and she goes, [slurring] Fine, just leave me in a hotel room by myself? Im like, Youre starting to get it.. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 Directed by Tom Forrest Synopsis Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. Youre still going to hop in that motherfucker. Ill show you dick.. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 15 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. '", Ana Navarro Jokes About Sara Haines' White House Correspondents' Dinner Antics on 'The View': "Maybe There Will Be a Restraining Order", Sunny Hostin Opens Up About Receiving Hurtful Emails on The View: Im Not Liked By Half The Country, Sunny Hostin Shades Meghan McCain for Scathing Column About 'The View': "Our Show Is a Wonderful Place". JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up [audience whooping] Looked like somebody had stretched a Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic head of cauliflower. And I am an idea man, too. One, while we were building this house, my wife selected these really exotic Japanese toilets. [distorted] Wagyu beef taste like boot leather. 3,036, This story has been shared 2,003 times. And the punchline of that story is, I come back to the States, when I get back to the States, my assistant goes, Ron, did you hear that John Mayhew died? And Im like, John Mayhew Why do I know that name? Its your ex-wifes divorce lawyer. [laughing quietly] Oh, I hated that motherfucker. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron, wake up. But it sure helps to have a headliner believe in you like Foxworthy believed in White. Id help you move it out, but Im bleeding. My uncle was a Baptist preacher, and I was at his little white clapboard Baptist church in a little bitty town in Texas and I was sitting Vacation bible school. I appreciate that, and Im sorry you lost your dad. He goes, I was in love with you and Id see you on television, Id pretend you were my husband and wed go out to eat, and things like that. I went, Well, thats nice of you to say, I appreciate it, very nice to meet you. He goes, I had a picture of you I used to masturbate to. Which one? Those were dudes? 2023 White House Correspondents' Dinner : MSNBCW : April 29, 2023 5 I dont have another eight goddamn dollars. And I called the front desk in a panic. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. You guys are amazing. Based in NYC but will travel anywhere for the scoop: Ice cream or news. Well, I would marry ya, but I cant! Filming Locations for the Disney+ Movie, Alexander Molony Is the Perfect Blend of Charming and Naive in Disney+s Peter Pan & Wendy, What Does "Doderick Macht Frei" on 'Succession' Mean? Thats what happened to that plane Sully landed on the Hudson River. And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. And undeniably funny. I would have missed the boat if I was in the porno business right there. Viagra. I got to go this year for the first time in my career to do stand-up in Europe, and I did shows in Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Scotland, and London. Nobody wants to be a white asshole, but everybody wants to have one all of a sudden. His answers are crass. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. Just getting her done, and He wasnt there, but the three of us were. Thats all. And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? You fucking idiot. And I wear wild socks, and So Im having breakfast in this restaurant across the street from the hotel Im staying in, by myself, and I finish with my meal, I realize I dont have any money. But let me tell you something, folks. My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. So we walk up to Knob Cobblers, or whatever the fuck the name of it was. 5,093, This story has been shared 4,772 times. Get too fat at the Golden Corral, go to the Dress Barn. Thats insensitive right there. Im 61 years old now, and I know two things to be true. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. He goes, I want you to stand on one foot, raise the other foot No, bullshit. Thats it for tonight. And every year SiriusXM does a live broadcast from there. Is she there? And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. He always believed in my talent, but not my work ethic. Well, that same year my dear friend Bill Engvall, the dancer People ask me all the time, Do you think youll ever do Dancing With The Stars? Im like, Not unless something goes horribly fucking wrong., Well, that year, Bill was touring with Reba McEntire. You got to unwrap a few to get the one youre looking for in a sight unseen situation. Let me show you some skills. Not the good frozen pizza, the other fucking frozen fucking pizza, and go back to the shitty little motel they rent us, and one night a week, Id let myself rent a porno movie, and Id call this date night. Ron, wake up. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. And not because if somebody was breaking into our house, they would make a bunch of noise and scare those people away, because you couldnt possibly wake them up. Now she was beautiful, beautiful. Lets go to this thing. And I get up there and the cop goes, Mr. A chaotic intervention. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. So I did my set, and Im out in the hallway talking to Joe Rogan and this guy comes up to me, in his early 30s, I would guess, very flamboyant, very nervous. Nobodys moving till we get across this street. They could have flown over the fucking street. And if youd like to buy the bicycle, just go to my house in Beverly Hills, and its 400 yards from there. This befuddled me. Or didnt use to, anyhow. our special coverage of the white house correspondents dinner starts right now neck . Thats the whole plan. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? And that was the first timeall three of us had our names on big signs in Vegas, and we went outside to look at it, and I was like, Fuck, now what? An action packed stay in rehab. It happened ten years before, but I still had his office number in my phone, and my wife said I was a dick for doing this, but as soon as I found out he died, I called his office, I said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. The lady goes, Im very sorry to tell you, but Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, Okay, and I called her right back and said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. She goes, I just told you, Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, I know, I just like hearing you say it. My wifes like, Youre a dick. I said, Bullshit. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles Legendary comedian and podcaster Marc Maron stars in his first-ever HBO comedy special filmed in front of a live audience at New York Citys Town Hall. What? I didnt make the drinks. Theyre watchdogs. Great big, old big uns. Shut up, youre supposed to shut up. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Maybe a salad and a sandwich. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Your AMC Ticket Confirmation# can be found in your order confirmation email. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. All rights reserved. Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. All right. I dont have that kind of mirror or that kind of friend. 'If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up': Ron White's Netflix special I let 150 dudes suck my dick? One of these treatments is a thing called anal bleaching. Recorded at The Paramount Theater in Denver, CO, stand-up comedienne Kathleen Madigan explores topics including aging parents, interactions with millennials, and hunting bigfoot. [mooing] Welcome to our giant all-you-can-eat food trough. The shit that should have never got said got said, it just spun into this big shit storm of fuck. Build a net. That aint even kind of drunk. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up This is how the conversation ended. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - Rotten Tomatoes Im going to do it, cause Im surprised they know it, but I support the Montreal Comedy Festival, and if you ever have a chance to go to Montreal in the summer to go to the festival, its the coolest fucking thing there is. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! And it really reminded Jeff and I of how much fun we have on stage together and how much we like to play off each other. What Time Does 'Yellowjackets' Season 2, Episode 6 Air On Showtime? Ill give you a second to get your arms around that. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. 0:46. I really do. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. What they do is they take these baby ducks, and they just snip the pussy lips off of em, and it takes, like, 35 baby ducks to make one taco, but it is fucking worth it, man. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. So I dont have go out and party money. Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". lindsey? Somebody was peeing on me! One anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. Squirrels. Dont worry about them. I dont care one way or another. If it would have been a handjob, Id have been going, Hey, youre a plumber, dude, get that claw off my fucking pecker.. It's Me, Margaret. I got to what? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming I have no idea what Id do if I walked out and somebody was there, Id be like [yawning] [click] Oh, hey. Great big old, big old, big uns. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! Ron White: If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up - YouTube See production, box office & company info, Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road, The Hall: Honoring the Greats of Stand-Up, : , . Im ready. Regal White, I smell alcohol on your breath. I said, Thats been there since 77, dude. You pour that much Scotch on a tongue, its gonna smell like Scotch forever. Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. His face is plastered all over Vegas and we are having a fucking blast. And when I was in Edinburgh, I realized that the Scots made me laugh harder than anybody. 20,592, This story has been shared 13,103 times. And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. You should have the person help you move all the shit out and then shoot him. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. My cousin Ray, who Ive talked about on stage before, hes a real guy, he only eats at the Golden Corral because my cousin Ray only dates huge women. Charming. Youre just spreading your ass cheeks, squatting into a tray of solution for a limited amount of time for a desired result.